Handle Anger In Your Relationship

Anger can be processed by engaging in exercise, practicing yoga, or engaging in deep breathing. While these are great tactics when you have the time, what are you supposed to do when your anger is directed at your partner in the heat of the moment?

Anger can overwhelm even the most self-aware person, especially when flooding comes into play, making rational thought almost impossible. Anger is usually a symptom of more vulnerable emotions such as embarrassment, sadness, and hopelessness.

While deflecting anger in the moment may not be possible, it is possible to identify the feelings underneath. By focusing on your feelings underneath the anger, you welcome your partner to make a repair instead of becoming defensive. Instead of starting a fight, you are opening up a dialogue about your feelings.

When you feel angry, it’s important to resist the urge to place blame. Blaming feels good in the moment, but the effects can be disastrous. Even if you feel angry at your partner, it doesn’t give you the excuse to use words that are harsh or critical.

If you attack with criticism, your partner will likely become defensive and blame you right back. They may also become flooded and be unable to focus on the discussion, causing the situation to escalate. Conversations like this can eventually create emotional distance because the more critical and contentious you are, the more you will chip away at your friendship.

So the next time you get angry, stop and think about why you are angry. Is it because you are embarrassed? Worried? Disappointed? Talk to your partner about how you feel and what you need. Learning to recognize when anger isn’t really what you’re feeling and how to handle it is an important skill to have in a healthy relationship.

For more on handling anger: https://www.gottman.com/blog/handle-anger-relationship